Everyday Heroes, Perfect Strangers
What is remarkable about the social world is the way our lives entwine – you and I, he and she, they and them – often unexpectedly.
We cannot help but have an impact on the lives of others. Similarly, we cannot help but feel the influence of others upon our lives. These can be positive encounters, that add something good immediately, or negative, that take something away which we need to redeem. What we do, what we think, and how we respond to people and circumstances shape the impact we make. These often occur not through magnificent or remarkable acts, but through simple words and ordinary actions.
In the past few weeks, in my travels in Europe, there are three instances that stand out in my mind about how ordinary actions matter. They are ‘ordinary’ in the sense that they are commonplace – not particularly exceptional to the people who do them. They occur often unnoticed. But when these small acts multiply, they create ripples of solidarity and trust building that help to create a more humane and caring society.
The first was at the Kings Cross St. Pancras underground station in London. I had just come from a long ride from Brussels, and struggled to manage my bulky luggage while waiting to top up my oyster card. As I stood in line, I saw a tall woman pushing her baby in a large pram. She came to a set of steps, and gingerly lowered it. It took some time and it wasn’t easy. Strangers walked past. One, however, stopped briefly. After making quick eye contact with her, he lifted the opposite end of the pram. They carried it down quickly, each holding one side. She expressed her thanks, and, just as smoothly as they met they walked away, continuing in opposite directions on their journey.
This event, which happened in two to three seconds, was exceptional to me because it seemed that the perfect stranger who lent a helping hand did not expect anything in return. He looked happy as he walked away. I wondered if he had a wife or partner with a child of the same age, and therefore understood how much of a struggle traveling through the Underground could be. Nothing was exchanged beyond this brief act of kindness. It came, it happened, it went almost unnoticed.
The second is really about an exceptional person, a friend from childhood, Karen. She is married with a child, and works in London as a foster mother for children needing care. In the past few years, she has looked after children whose families are strained – from financial difficulties, health problems, abuse and violence, and the myriad of challenges that place homes under stress. When I met her in London, she was looking after M, a cute and interactive baby boy.
The accountabilities of a foster mother are great. She is responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of the children she looks after. She has to phone in and report any scratch on their body. She meets with the biological parents of the children regularly, working with them so that they are better able to manage their homes in the future.
What is remarkable about Karen, is that she invests her life in the lives of others, one hour at a time. It is such a responsibility to care for a child, and she does it with such dedication, love and care. It isn’t easy. It gets frustrating. It is physical and emotional investment. And she knows that the children do not belong to her.
But what a difference she makes, one child at a time. These babies know her touch, trust her smile, feel comfort in her arms. She joins her life to theirs, knowing that their encounter is intense, but in the scheme of things, is brief. Yet she still holds on to them, caring for them, knowing that she will have to open her arms to relinquish them at the proper time. What an amazing woman.
The third encounter, in the travels of my past month, occurred on road from Jurmala, Latvia (yes, indeed I made it, and have many more stories to tell). Chian (my fellow Malaysian traveler) and I were on a private tour of Jurmala in a van, going to see bog lakes. Our driver, Pierre, who works for Riga Out There, was driving, and as we tried to turn on a dirt road, our van got stuck in a hole. We tried to get out of it, but the more we stepped on the accelerator, the deeper the hole got. We were literally digging ourselves deeper.
It was obvious that we were in trouble. What amazed me was that several cars slowed down to see if they could help us. One stopped. Two young men came out, and immediately began to pitch in. One of them was particularly enterprising. He got out a rope, and tied it to the back of our van. His car was older and much smaller than ours. He tried to drag us out, but after trying (placing his engine under strain), the rope broke. He tried again, retying the rope. Same result. He took out a jack and painstakingly lifted the car, scooping more dirt to plug in the hole. I thought – I have to recruit this guy for Médecins Sans Frontières, he would be an excellent logistician!
Another couple came along. They were walking along the road, and also stopped by. We all tried to push the van, six of us, as the young man continue to try to drag the van out of the hole. We heaved, and huffed and puffed. We tried several times. We thought of alternatives. (Actually, I thought of calling the tow truck, but apparently that’s not how they do thing in Latvia). Finally, on the upteenth try, by climbing into the van and putting it into reverse, the young man managed to pull it out of the hole. Success!
I was really touched by the efforts of this young Latvian man, whose name I do not know. He stopped, giving of his time and energy to help a group of strangers. When Pierre offered him some money as a gesture of appreciation, he refused. He has nothing to gain from us; he does not know who we are, and that did not matter to him. The gesture of assistance was complete in itself.
These three encounters stick in my mind because they are examples of strangers helping strangers in everyday acts of kindness that can go almost unnoticed. They are daily courtesies, little gestures that give me hope. If all of us can live our lives in this way, grasping opportunities to help others who are in need, what a difference we can make in society.
The truth of the matter is that we are creating society as we go along. We are all actors, with roles to play. We cannot escape from this fact – the fact of our relevance. Both our our action and inaction shape the social world around us. If we can reach within us, and give just a little of ourselves to others, we will be amazed at how we, in return, are blessed beyond our imagination.
Thank you, young man in Latvia, whose name I do not know. May you be blessed for your assistance to us, many more times than what you gave us that sunny summer day, on a road from Jurmala.
Alice Nah is an Executive Committee member of Persatuan Kebangsaan Hak Asasi Manusia (HAKAM) and a Co-coordinator of the Migration Working Group. She has a blog: In Fantasyland
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